Saying Goodbye

So since I already stated that this blog was going to be whatever I wanted and how I wanted, I am choosing tonight to have this be a personal blog post. A way of remembering and a way of letting myself grieve. This morning one of my very best friends passed away. There are three women in this world who I love enough to not only call my best friend, but also my sister, and she is one of them. So this post is for her. Forgive the tears as I type through blurry eyes... Julie wasn't just a friend, like I said, she was more like my sister. Her passing has taken me by the heart and pulled me under.

(Julie and I at my wedding. She was my maid of honor)

When I first met her, I was a new mom to my third child by 5 days. She was the amazing photographer who took his newborn pictures. Sometime during that session a friendship started. I was a single mom at the time and when my pictures came in, I looked no where near ready for an interview but asked about a job she had open, and she hired me right then and there. My first look into this woman's amazing life was looking at her as my boss. She was amazing and taught me everything about photography and then I was able to go with her to SLC and learn even more until I got my photography cert. Working side by side, we became best friends. Our road trips were epic every time we traveled for work and watching someone light themselves on fire by accident is one memory we laughed about and I will still giggle every time.

(Julie and I laughing at my wedding)

 I promise if you had been there you'd be laughing too. All we could do is laugh and yell "you're on fire!" It helped that the person we laughed at was with us. Annnd... it helped that it was the funniest accident we ever saw and that she didn't get hurt. Like at all. Not a single burned hair or stitch of clothing. We aren't mean, mind you. If she had been in any danger laughing would have came later, like at the hotel.
Julie was always there for me, no matter what. Our closeness was something that was stitched tighter than the wrangler patch on a good looking cowboy's tight jeans. Her feisty attitude and strong will, make her passing even harder to understand - or bear. She was so beautiful... So vibrant... So alive. I just saw her. I just talked to her. Her voice is still clear in my head. I see these pictures and just can't wrap my head around the fact that she's gone, because she's not. She's still here, with me, in my head, in these pictures, in my heart. Nothing can take her or the epic memories I have of her away. We've been through so much together. So much laughter, so many tears. Life is better when you have a friend like her to go through all the crazy stuff with.

The last time I saw her she was just coming out of it from heart surgery on Monday. She gripped my hand and told me she loved me. I told her she did good, because she did. She made it through. I might be hitting the anger part of my grief because I am so frustrated. She was fine yesterday.
I'm not sure I am ready to say goodbye. I'm not sure I will ever be ready. But, I am grateful you are bearing with me and letting me get this small bit out. Because the world is missing one of the most beautiful souls tonight, and I miss her so much. And since I can't bear to really say those parting words, I'm gonna say goodnight. Goodnight, Julie.